Yes We Can
by tvdunlop
Summary: JD. Chapter 14 is up. Josh realizes that he has to clear things up with Donna before he's of any use to anyone. Donna muses. Please RR, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
1. Times have changed

I see Josh in his office. I have been working for Lou, she hired me. However seeing him in there looking perplexed makes me want to fix the problem. I fixed his life for eight years, that's why I left. What makes me want to do it now? He looks up and makes eye contact with me and I see in his eyes the loneliness this job breeds. Running a campaign is intense, but for Josh it's what holds him to the ground. I used to do that for him. Back in the old days it was me with my lurking, refusing to bring him coffee, organizing his life and stealing his fries, that grounded him. What have I done without him? I've made a career for myself, right back working for him. This time though it's different, he sees me as a member of this campaign, not an assistant. In this transformation, our old relationship burned to the ground. How do we rebuilt that level of understanding, we were so close. I heard that years ago married couples envied us, no wonder neither one of us has settled down. Did I just think that?

The day Amy asked if I loved Josh, I didn't answer her, I didn't know how too. Now if she asked me I would have no excuse and that frightens me. Can we even be friends? Right now we work together, but we hardly ever see each other. The day I asked for a job, I saw in his eyes something tortured. "If you don't think I miss you every day," the way he said those words pained me. I felt the same way, now I don't miss him, but I miss how we were. I used to watch that movie a lot, The Way We Were, I cry every time.

Josh and I have always been complicated. I love so much about him and yet sometimes I think that I might not know him. I dream about him though sometimes, they're the best dreams I could imagine. I wish I could wake up in his arms, walk into the kitchen wearing a long Josh shirt to find him making me breakfast. That's probably a funny one, since I'm not sure Josh really knows all that much about cooking. My dreams have gotten more extensive too, seeing our children run around the living room, dancing after they've gone to bed in our living room, decorating our Christmas tree, walking into work hand in hand. He makes me feel whole, all the other "gomers" (as Josh so eloquently called them) never held a candle to him. I can still remember the red dress, the day he saw me, I remember thinking how perfect we would be together the day I met him! Wishing makes me feel pathetic; my life is flying by me. I have to find someone who can make me as happy as Josh did. The funny thing about that thought is no one has made me happier than Josh, and we were always just friends. I'm glad we're friends, I can be his friend.

Josh's POV:

Donna is back, not working for me thankfully, but she's here and I see her often. She looks older, but more confident, I like that. She was just twenty two when she came to work for me; at least I think she was. Well she's almost thirty now and honestly; I've really really missed her. I miss my Donna, yes I called her that. For me, she's always belonged to me, no wait, that doesn't sound right. I've always felt like she's been mine, my special person, the one who could make anything okay and that she had a connection with me that no one else even has come close to. That's how she's mine; she's never been mine in that other sense. Why the hell not? Oh right, she was my assistant, bad combination, poor CJ would have fainted in shock. Actually, probably not considering that everyone in the White House thought we should be together. I know that now and you know what, often I think they were right. So instead of thinking like an intelligent person, I kept her trapped and she got fed up and left me. Boy that was awful, I remember the day I lost her, and I felt like I'd lost my other half. That was the way a husband or wife should feel if they lost their significant other, not a senior staffer who lost his assistant. I lost my friend too though, Donna was my best friend. She knew me inside and out, how I felt, how I hurt, everything. These past months have been hell, I've missed my friend.

He looks up and sees me watching him, the eye contact stays. I knock and he nods to me. "Sit," his voice is tired.

"Are you alright?" I ask him this, but I hope he understands that there's more to my question than that. He does.

"I'm okay, tired as all hell, but still kicking." His eyes reflect how much he feels he has aged.

"Do you want coffee?" I hope he gets this in context and sure enough he cracks a smile. "No thanks Donna, the company is more than expected." I don't know if he means that to hurt or compliment, but I hardly ever knew with him.

"Do you think Santos made an impression on the black community that day? His speech was hailed as the leveler for American races."

What the hell was this question? Then I realized, it was the sort of conversation he would have with a colleague and yet it was the one we'd always sort of had when we worked together. I smiled, "I think it was the best speech we could have hoped for."

Josh nods and I can't tell if he heard me or not, "Josh?"

His gaze snaps back to me, "Yeah, it was a speech said from the heart."

Speaking from the heart, what a powerful notion that is. When I think about speaking from my heart I'm not sure what would come out. I glance at him and look down quickly as I realize he's been staring at me.

"It's good working with you again Donna, I've missed you."

I feel relief traveling through me, "I've missed you too, a lot," I admit looking up.

Josh is so adorable, even when he looks so tired. He has this sweetness I know he tries to bury beneath his sarcasm.

Then suddenly out of the blue, Josh starts talking again, "Donna, one of the things I've really missed about having you in my life, is I feel like I lost the one person who knew me."


	2. Now what?

Chapter 2: Now what?

Donna's POV:

Did he just say what I think he said? I feel tears welling up and I force them down, this isn't about me. "I'm so sorry Josh," and I really am sorry I left him.

He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair, I love when he does that. "No Donna, don't be sorry, we both know you did what was right for you and you shouldn't regret that. I don't really regret it."

He doesn't, wait did I miss something? My face must have shown my confusion because he gives me another tired smile. "Of course I have regrets, that I didn't give you more opportunities, that I didn't see it coming, that I had driven a wedge between us, but look at you now."

I blush looking down, it's true, and I've come such a long way. "I should go," I hope he isn't offended, but there is work to be done and I feel like somehow we've come to some kind of understanding that we didn't have before. He nods, "we've got a lot to do, and I'll see you soon." I stand and I know that he's watching me walk away.

Josh's POV:

I watch her walk away and for the first time since she walked out of my life all those months ago I feel like I'm not losing her. It's almost like she's leaving so she can come back to me. Jeez, I haven't had much sleep lately, I can tell. My days used to consist of teasing Donna, prying into her personal life, nagging at her, yelling for her, now they are just about wanting to see her smile at me. How can someone bring such happiness to someone else with a smile?

Leo's POV:

I head out of Santo's office; he is still recovering from the speech he gave earlier, what a powerful one. I know it's back to work now, no rest for the wicked. I need to talk to Josh before I head to bed and I weave my way through the headquarters towards his office. There's a soft glow from the light. Of course he's still here, obviously I counted on that. I squint, old eyes, as I see a second figure. Who could be there this late, it's almost eleven. Then I see the blonde hair and I know who it is, it's Donnatella Moss. Ah those famous two together again. I love Josh like a son and I promised Noah Lyman I'd watch out for him. I knew how hurt he was when Donna left because he was always so complete with her in his life. She unknowingly bewitched him and took his heart when she left. Donna's absence changed him though in a very good way. Since she stopped fixing his mistakes Josh has had to figure out his own way of doing things. Granted, it may not be as effective or graceful, but he's getting better. I think Donna is slowly realizing that he has grown up. Maybe not around her because Josh will always have a childish spoiled and bratty side, but with others he has slowly developed into the leader I thought he could be. She stands and he's smiling at her with genuine contentment. This time the smile reaches his eyes. How long has it been since I've seen that? She walks away and he watches. His mind is a million miles away; I wonder where he is.

Josh's POV:

Leo enters my office a few minutes later and I shake myself out of my thoughts. "Shouldn't you be on your way to Washington?" I can't help but worry for his health.

"Naw," his voice is pleasant and familiar. It reminds me of endless senior staff meetings where we would all sit and wait for his guidance.

"I saw Donna leaving, you still working her overtime?" I can hear the smile in his voice and I grin, "Nope, she just stopped by to say hi."

"It's nice to see you two kids together," he sounds pleased.

I ignored the kids comment and nod, "I missed her." Did I just admit that?

Luckily Leo spares me and moves on, "we've got some things to work out."

"Okay," it's back to the reality of the campaign. I enjoyed the brief respite with Donna; gosh I've missed her ability to make me feel young and whole. I need that more than ever these days. "Leo, do you think I should invite her to dinner one of these nights?"

Leo looks up and manages somehow to hide his surprise, "I think that's a good idea, maybe after you have a little time to breathe."

Feeling more confident I take my feet off the desk and straighten up, "so where are we?"


	3. An Old Flame

Chapter 3: An old flame

"Donna Moss?" I look up hearing my name, and cannot believe my eyes.

"Amy Gardener?"

"Hi," she looks about the same as I remember.

"Are you and Josh together yet?" Her eyebrow is raised in that questioning and superior way.

I have trouble actually processing her blatant comment, "excuse me?"

"You two were always all eyes for each other," she sounds flippant.

"No we were not and I was his assistant." I feel angry again, I've always disliked her, what did Josh ever see in her?

"How is the old boy?" Please, old boy, Josh is not old. I stop my train of thought, civility is the key to campaigns; she would be good practice I justify.

"What brings you to this neck of the woods?" I try to sound cheerful.

"Well, I had been preparing Santos's speeches a while back; I just stopped in to congratulate whoever wrote that one for the church."  
I restrain myself from responding to her, I am not the person. "Let me introduce you to Lou, she's second in command and will be happy to point you in the right direction, I'm just doing the press work."

Amy nods, "You're looking quite professional Donna," she eyes me up and down.

I hate when she does that, "Let me take you to Lou," I turn and walk away without looking behind me to make sure she's following me.

I stop in front of my boss. "Lou this is an old friend of Josh's, Amy Gardener."

Lou nods, "You were once the personal assistant to the first lady right?"

Amy's face flickers slightly, "yes I was."

I silently cheer Lou's slightly snide comment.

"Josh is pretty busy, but he always has time for old friends." She doesn't know their history, I don't clear it up.

Amy glances at me expecting a confirmation maybe, "I've got to get back to work," I hear my voice.

"Let's go," Lou turns and I force my smile to remain on my face and watch the two women walk away.

Josh's POV:

"Josh?"

"Not now Lou," I feel a headache coming on and resist shouting for someone to get me something to take.

"Josh, Amy Gardener is here," Lou's voice penetrates the Electoral College math. She couldn't have just said Amy, not my ex Amy, no way, not happening. I can't shout now, that would be rude, even for me. Smile Josh.

"Amy, hi, what are you doing here?"

I study her, she's lost weight and she looks tired. When you've dated someone you can usually read them fairly well, something is not right.

"Josh, I was in town and I thought I'd pay my compliments to the speechwriter for that well done performance at the church."

I feel a smile creep across my face, yeah this will be fun.

"Sure, right this way," I start to leave.

"Uh Josh?" I glance at Lou and see her look of shock, "what are you doing?"

"Lou I'm just going to bring Amy to pay her compliments to the speech guy and I'll be back soon," I walk away with Amy towards Santos's office.

"Come in," he answers to my knock.

Amy stops in the doorway, "Congressman, do you remember Amy Gardener?"

"Oh yes, Ms. Gardener, what brings you here?"

I can feel the holes in the back of my head, "Amy wanted to congratulate the person who wrote the speech for the church."

Santos got it, and credit to him for keeping a straight face.

"Well Amy, I'm glad you enjoyed it, it certainly felt good to say."

I could tell Amy was flustered, "Well Sir, it was most impressive to hear."

I have to give her credit, she kept her head. "We'll let you get back to work Sir; I'll be in with Leo later." I leave quietly shutting the door.

"Joshua Lyman," her voice is angry, oh boy the full name too.

"Amy why don't you come grab a cup of coffee," I'm patronizing her and I know she hates this. Why am I having so much fun? She doesn't even look that well, right, she's upset about something, go easy Josh.

"Amy he wrote it, or rather he said it, that's all there is too it."

She's gaping at me now, "Josh, no one wrote that for him?"

Her voice is rising.

"Nope, he threw away ours and winged it."

I don't look at her face; instead I pour her a cup of black coffee and hand it to her.

She shakes her head, "No thanks, he actually just got up there and said that, fifty days prior to the election?"

"He has a mind of his own, and thankfully it often boosts us rather than hinders us," I'm grateful for that. I'm often indebted to that talent.

Just then Amy seems to lose color in her face and I frown, "Amy, what's wrong?"

She shakes her head, "nothing, I have to leave, congratulations Josh, you're running a fine campaign," she practically speed walks towards the door.

"Amy wait," I shout running after her, something is wrong.

Donna looks up as I run by and I catch the confused look on her face.

Donna's POV:

Did I actually see Josh run past yelling Amy's name? No, my eyes have to be playing tricks on me. There's just no way. But he did go by and shortly after she did, this is terrible. He can't be thinking about getting back together with her again, can he? She drove him nuts, but he was infatuated with her. This isn't so good.

Amy's POV:  
Josh is running after me, why would he do that? I suppose he's worried, but there's just no way this can happen, not here, not now. He used to be mine and in my life, but I've let him go and he has to stay away. We used each other for convenience towards the end of our relationship, sex, politics and the like. Now he has a chance to be truly happy, I won't have him get caught again, I won't fall for him again.

Josh's POV:

I grab her arm, "Amy what's going on, you look sick?"

She shakes her head, "Josh, I'm fine, I'm just really tired out, my mom's been sick and that's why I'm here, I've been taking care of her and I haven't gotten much sleep."   
"Hire someone and come crash at my place for the evening, you can get some sleep." Where did that offer come from?

I can see her eyes widen, "thanks Josh, but I can't, I'll see you around."

She's gone. I walk back through the doors and stop in front of Donna's desk.

"Hey," she looks up. "What happened with Amy, is she okay?"

Donna never liked Amy, but I guess her compassion is boundless. Boy the Congressman's speech about compassion is actually affecting me, who knew?

"I don't think she's feeling well, I think she's sick." I can see her eyes studying me, "are you okay?"

"Yeah sure I'm fine, I've got to go see Leo," I leave before she can figure out that I'm scared.

Donna's POV:

Josh walks away, he's scared, and I can see it in his eyes. He's scared that she might be sick, and that he'll lose her. I also think he's scared that I'll figure this out because he knows I don't really like her. For whatever reason, he doesn't want me to know how much he still cares. But I get it. Josh has spent his whole life afraid that the people he loves, friends and family will die. Amy and I had that conversation several years ago about getting Josh. She didn't, but maybe she does now and that's why she won't tell him anything. I suddenly feel a surge of compassion and concern. I stand up and make my way to Lou's desk.

"Lou I've finished up the press briefs, can I head out for a bit, I've got some errands to run."

She nods without looking up, "just keep your phone on in case someone flubs up around here."

I pull on my coat and make my way out the door.


	4. A request

Amy's POV:

I couldn't tell Josh I'm sick, I just couldn't. I know he would be scared, and I just can't bear that thought of hurting him with my words again. Just then I hear a knock at my door, I open it to reveal Donna Moss. This is the woman that got between Josh and me. She is an angel in his eyes, she could never be matched. That why I'm confused, why are they not together? I don't know what to say to her.

Donna's POV:  
Amy is staring at me, I'm not quite sure why she has this sad look on her face. "Come in," she steps back and waits. I hang in her entrance way not sure how to begin. "Why are you here?" her voice is quiet and she looks at me her eyes expressionless.

"What is it Amy?" Sometimes directness is best. Her eyes shoot daggers, "Is that why you came?" "I came for Josh, he's worried."

"Why didn't he come himself?" She sounds pained.

"You brushed him off, and he doesn't want to get mixed up with you again. He cares about you though, and he's freaking out."

Amy gets it then. She understands why I came and her next words cut me, "you always are there to pick up the pieces, yet you don't have the guts to actually act on what you both know has been right for years. You're just going to go on taking care of him; you can't do that forever Donna, that's not how it works."

"You had a lot of success with him didn't you?" I can't believe I'm saying this.

She falls silent, "I have cancer Donna," her voice is resigned.

I knew it was something like this, but she's so young. "Amy, I…"

She cuts me off, "Don't, don't say you're sorry. Even if you are, don't say it." Speechless I wait.

"Are you going to tell Josh?" she looks down.

I don't know what to tell her, yes, no, will I? "If he asks I will." That's true enough; I would never lie to Josh. "You might as well tell him I'm pregnant too, just to avoid any name blame games." I feel my breath catch, she's pregnant too? She meets my eye, "Now you can say it," she lets out her breath. "I'm sorry," this time I mean it with all of my heart. "Amy did they…?" She shakes her head, "I can either have the treatment and lose the baby or wait on the treatment until the baby is born and hope for the best." I don't know how to respond.

Amy's POV:

I had come to ask Josh to look out for my child, but then I had second thoughts. Josh and Donna were not together, that would have better. Also if Josh did indeed get Matt Santos in the White House a child was not something he should be burdened with. Why Josh? Simple, for all our miscommunications, he treated me like no other man has, before or after. I knew his kind heart, his love and wanted that for my baby. I meet Donna's eyes and smile softly, "there you got what you came for," I sound bitter. She hesitates, "Amy I really am so sorry." I nod, "Thank you Donna, but I'm asking you, will you tell Josh?" "Only if he asks me," she hesitates, "but you really should, he deserves to know and hear it from you." "You think I owe him?" "I think he deserves honesty, he never asked for anything more from you," she sounds kind, not possessive. I nod, "you're right, it hurts to see his eyes when he's in pain," I know she'll understand that. "Yes it does, but you need to move on," she hesitates, "call me if I can do anything," she scribbles down her number and turns pausing at the door, 'tell Josh Amy, please." She disappears.

The next morning:

Josh's POV:

Donna walks through the door looking tired even though Lou told me she left early. I feel tired too, Amy kept me up.

Just then she appears, "Josh, I'm sorry I ran out. I know you're really busy, but can we talk?" I don't know what to say to her. "Sure, um, can you give me ten minutes, I just have some stuff to get ready for the day and then I can take about an hour."

She nods, "I'll wait outside," she walks slowly out.

I shake the cobwebs out, now at least my mind is content with the knowledge that I'll hear the story soon. I make my way to Lou's office, Donna is there with her. "Lou a friend is here to have coffee with me," I smile.

"Not coffee," Donna says finally.

Lou raises her eyebrows at me and I raise mine at Donna. "I'll be drawing up the briefing," she vanishes; how odd was that.

Lou nods, "you have the outline for the day, if you see any problems, let me know, and otherwise we don't need you until 10."

I nod and glance over the clipboard, things look fine. "Okay, it's good; I'll see you in about an hour." Amy stands as I make my way over to her, "coffee?"

She nods, "tea sounds good." Donna meets my eye just then and quickly breaks the gaze going back to work. She knows something, however Amy will tell me herself instead of Donna. Amy shoots Donna a smile as Donna walks out to the copier by us, "Hi Donna," she greets her.

To my surprise Donna smiles back, "Amy," it's quick, but friendly. Suddenly I feel out of the loop, and Josh Lyman does not enjoy that feeling.

Amy's POV:

Oh boy, here goes, this is hard. "Josh…" I can't continue, why am I doing this? "Yes Amy?" that trademark grin. "Josh I'm so sorry for what I'm about to tell you. Years ago Donna told me that people have to "get" you and I didn't. She told me how much you'd lost in your life and I realized then that we didn't really ever get to know each other. Josh, I have cancer."  
She didn't just say that, not Amy, not my Amy. She's not mine, but when you've loved someone, they're a part of your life and I think it's safe to say some part of me did love Amy. I guess it just wasn't enough to truly count.

"Amy," I can't say more. "There's more," apparently she can. "I'm pregnant Josh." I get the implications in her eyes; she's going to have the baby. "Chemo would hurt the fetus," I whisper. "Yes," she confirms it with one word. "Josh, the reason I came to see you, that I now realize is completely absurd, is I wanted to ask you to be the godfather of my child."

I think my jaw has hit the ground. "Amy, I…" 


	5. Acceptance?

Chapter 5: Acceptance?

Amy's POV:

He looks like he's been hit over the head with a club. I suppose my news wasn't exactly easy on him.

"Amy, are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know, it depends on how quickly the disease spreads."

"That's why you wanted to ask me about the baby, why me?" he looks so confused, oh boy.

"Josh it's complicated."

"Well, you're asking me to consider becoming a father to your baby, in return I'd like to know why me Amy. I mean I'm hardly a candidate that should be first in line."

The question I knew he'd ask, how was I supposed to respond? "Josh, I know you think this doesn't make any sense."

His eyes widened, "Amy, I'm getting a candidate to the White House, I've got a sixteen hour a day job, no wife, seriously, I'm a politician, not a role model."

"That's not what I see."

"What do you see?" He's curious.

"I see someone who was good to me, someone who cared about me and who was kind enough to treat me decently." He looks down and I wish I knew what he was thinking.

"Amy, I would live every day in fear of not doing right by your baby." He looks scared, again, I've scared him again.

"Josh, every parent does feel that," how am I supposed to explain how right this is?

"I don't even have a girlfriend right now Amy, I'm running a national campaign, I can't be at your side through the pregnancy, Lamaze classes, all that." His eyes meet mine and I see guilt.

"Josh, I'm not asking for any of that, I'm leaving D.C until the baby's born." He looks shocked and then horrified, "you can't leave, what if you need help?"   
"Josh there are hospitals in other parts of the country," I am not enjoying defending this idea of moving.

"Amy, I need to get back, but I'll call you this evening and let you know what I've decided." He looks uncertain, but serious.

I nod, it's better than I thought, "Take your time Josh, and think it over carefully." He stands and leans over kissing my forehead, "let me get you a cab."

He helps me in and smiles "take care of yourself," the cab pulls off and he's still watching me drive away.

Josh's POV:

This day has been surreal and it's only ten thirty. After this surprising and distressing conversation I feel unsteady and scared. Sometimes I wonder how I survive these hoops I jump through. I walk through the door to the campaign office and stop short, Donna is standing there as if she knew I was going to enter.

"Josh," she stepped towards me and in her eyes I could see she knew.

"You knew," I know I sound cold, but I can't help it.

"She told me yesterday, Josh, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it wasn't my place. I would have soon if she didn't."

I trust Donna completely and she looks so concerned that I can't stay mad at her. "It's okay," I watch her carefully. Does she know about Amy's request? Something in her eyes says she doesn't.

"Come in my office," I need to ask someone for advice.

She follows me in, "Josh, what is it?"

"Amy wants me to be the godfather to her child," there I've said it.

Her eyes widen slightly, "What did you say?"

"I told her I'd think on it," I can't explain how strongly I think I should do this.

"You feel like you need to do this don't you?" her voice is steady.

"It's the most ridiculous thing in the world Donna!" I know I sound hysterical.

"Josh, talk to me."

"I'm not ready to be a parent Donna, there's a million reasons that this is a terrible idea." "Why are you considering it?" She's asking a valid question.

"She told me I was the one guy who really treated her well and she knew that her baby would be taken good care of. The father isn't someone she wants around." This sounds pretty strong for an argument even to me.

Donna doesn't say anything, "Josh this is your decision to make," she doesn't look cold, just logical.

"Donna, this is too big for one person to take on, too big for me to do alone."

"Josh, you wouldn't be alone," this time her voice is soft and I catch the gentle look in her eyes. "That baby would have more aunts and uncles that it would know what to do with."

I feel a flicker of a smile, that's nice to know. "Yeah, I guess I need to get back to work for a bit."

She raises an eyebrow, "you're going to get work done?"

I glare at her a bit, "go," and she leaves.

Donna's POV:  
Josh a father? This is just wrong in so many ways. Josh and I were supposed to cave in and have a family together. He wasn't supposed to take care of Amy's child as a single father. He looks scared, he really shouldn't have this put on his shoulders, but somehow it's ended up like this. How will this affect the campaign, I guess I really want to know how this will affect us. Josh and I had started to have a slight connection. Granted, we are still figuring each other out. However, having a child in the picture will change things. I know that Josh wants this though, and I can't deprive him of that.

Leo's POV:

I see those kids talking, it looks like Josh is freaking out and Donna is trying to help calm him down. He needs her, that's part of the reason I told Lou to hire her back. I saw how Josh fell apart when she left, and now that she's back, he's slowly getting it together. I honestly wish he'd let her help him more, it's all part of the Josh Lyman denial though. He'd never admit just how much he needs her around. Donna puts up with him though, God bless her. I don't know quite how she does it, but she's always there fore him. Josh's mom would be happy to hear this, so would his father Noah. I miss Noah, he was a dear friend. He expressed to me shortly before he died how happy he was that Josh was working for us and what a good man he through the President was. Jed Bartlet is a good man, and my best friend. Josh learned a lot from us, but the reason he was always so good at his job was because Donna was only half a step behind him literally and always one if not two in front of him in all other ways.


	6. A decision

Chapter 6: A decision

Josh stared at the notes in front of him. Money was tight and he wasn't sure how to cover the swing states. He paused in his thinking to study the picture of him and Donna on his desk. He studied her smile and the expression of admiration on his own face. He sighed wondering not for the first time why exactly she'd come back to him. It was almost like they belonged together, he knew that she was happy to see him. They'd established that, but how happy was happy? On his own, Josh would never have been able to let her go, but she had taken that choice from him. It still hurt, smarted from a wound he sometimes forgot he had. He would see her glide by his open door and remember the good old days when with one glance she could read him like a book. He supposed it was no different now, but their connection had been altered and lacked the familiarity it once had.

Donna chooses this moment to poke her head in, "Josh, Amy's on the phone," her eyes look worried. Josh froze, "Shit, I forgot to call her," he felt terrible. "She said she'd like to talk if you're not right in the middle of something," Donna watched his expression, it hadn't changed. "Yeah, put her on, thanks Donna," he added. "Josh, what have you…" her voice trailed off. Josh glanced at her distractedly, "I don't know Donna," he reached for the phone and she slipped out.

Amy's POV:  
"Josh?" I can hear him breathing.

"Amy, yeah hi it's me," he sounds flustered and I can't help but grin knowing this side of Joshua all too well. However, this is not the time to point out the humor of this moment.

"Josh I'm leaving next week for California," I hear silence. "I was just wondering if you'd made a decision." Again, there's silence.

"Yes," it's a single word, one that has just changed my life.

"Josh, are you sure?" I can hardly believe he just said that.

Josh's POV:

Oh good lord, what have I done? I just said yes, that wasn't the plan. Damn it Lyman, what was the plan? You didn't have a plan.

"Yes," I repeat the word wondering if I've just been taken over by an alien.

"Josh, if you change your mind…" I cut her off.

"No Amy, I won't change my mind, I want to do this," now I'm really committed. "Amy, there's just one thing, I don't want you to move, I want you to stay close by." I can't explain how important it is to me that she stays.

Amy's POV:

Josh is asking me to stay, "Josh if I do that, then we'll be underfoot," I argue weakly.

"I want you close so that I can see the baby grow, so that I can feel the first kick. I want to have memories of you Amy, of you and the baby so when it grows up I'll be able to tell it stories about how much you wanted it, how much you loved it, how you treasured carrying it."

Oh boy, the tears have started, this man has this side of him that's rarely shown; eloquence.  
"Okay," it's one word, one caving to Josh. It is a small price to pay for the gift he has given me and in this conversation I suddenly feel like things are somehow going to turn out alright.

"Amy," he's talking again.

"Yes Josh?" I can hear the uncertainty.

"You do know that I'm single right, that I work a really long day and that I've never taken care of young children, right? I mean you know all that." He sounds terrified.

"Yes Josh, but don't forget, you have Donna."

Josh's POV:  
Donna, funny she should mention Donna.

"Amy why did you bring Donna up," I know I sound funny.

"Josh please, no woman will ever live up to her for you," she's being tactful. I suddenly wonder if Donna had anything to do with the crashing and burning of our relationship.

"Donna didn't have anything to do with why we didn't work Josh; we were too alike, too competitive, too driven. We had no communication that would have carried our relationship. Donna hears you Josh, and whether you like it or not, you hear her too."

I can't believe my ex-girlfriend is telling me this, she has to be insane. Wait, I know she's not, at least not with this.   
"Amy," I protest, now I sound weak, great, just great.

"Josh, thank you again so very much," her voice cracks, "I'll see you soon, good bye."

"Good bye Amy," I hang up and sit there feeling stunned.

Donna's POV:  
Josh looks stunned, I'm guessing he's in one of those states where he can't believe what he just said. I'm also betting he just said yes, and I'm going to have a freaked out Josh Lyman in my office in oh, about ten seconds.

"Donna," sure enough he's there looking panicked.

"Josh, how'd it go?" I wait knowing, but still needing confirmation.  
"I'm going to be a dad," he sounds stunned.

Oh boy, now I need to tread carefully. How should I react? Standing quickly, I give him a large hug, "Congratulations Josh, you're going to do just fine," its a little confidence, a little congratulations and a little love. We pull apart and he stares at me.

"Donnatella, I don't know what I've just done," he looks edgy.   
"Josh you've just done a wonderful thing for someone, I think you're going to look back and realize it's one of the most selfless priceless things you've ever done. I don't think you're going to regret it." I hope he's listening to me.

Josh's POV:

She's beautiful and her eyes of full of strength. I have drawn strength from this woman for years. She hasn't left me, I still remember the first time I saw her, she brought something into my life and made it so much better. After the shooting, she stayed with me giving me her time and her TLC. I once broached the subject with her.

Flashback

"Donnatella, why are you keeping the phone away from me?" I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Josh you're never going to get better if you are under stress, leave the office alone for a while." She's motherly and stern. Humph.

"Donna, why are you doing all this for me," she's handing me hot whole-made soup. It's been years since I haven't eaten soup out of the can.

She tucks a napkin into my over-shirt, "Because you wouldn't have the sense to do it on your own," I recognize her slightly playful yet admonishing tone. She hasn't truly answered the question.

I grab her arm, "Seriously Donna, you haven't answered my question."

Her eyes meet mine; "I want to make sure you're alright, I almost lost you a week ago," her voice shakes slightly.

I study her, "I'm going to be okay Donna, I will."

She draws in a shaky breath, "You'd better be," she scolds. She walks away to the kitchen, "something to drink?" I hear her composing herself.

"A beer would be great," I call back. Exactly one minute later she's in the doorway with a glass of water.

The famous stare meets my eye, "Joshua Lyman, the nerve," she hands me the water.

I take a sip, "Joking Donnatella, joking."

She sighs, "What would I do without you?"

It's a question, rhetorical I think at first. Then I catch her far-off gaze, maybe it's not, maybe she was really asking me that.


	7. Will You?

Chapter 7: Will You?

Josh stared into Donna's eyes. She smiled back.

"Donna, I'm going to need some help, I don't know anything about babies," Josh admitted.

"What are you asking me Josh?" Donna asked simply.

"Will you help me learn how to be a parent; would you be this child's mom?" Josh couldn't believe that came out.

Donna's POV:  
Wait, he just asked me if I wanted to be a mom. So we would be Donna and Josh, mom and dad. Wow, this is amazing.

"Josh, you're sure?" I can hardly believe he wants me in his life.

"Yeah, I'm sure," he meets my eyes and I can see his hope.

"Yes, yes I will," I hadn't imagined that I would be so involved with this, but here I am, Mommy Donna.

He tucks my hair behind my ear and grins, "Thank you," he looks so grateful.

"Josh," I want him to kiss me, this time I really do.

"Yeah," he studies me.

"What does this mean?" I don't know if this is supposed to change our relationship in an understood way or not.

"What?" he looks confused.

"What are we going to tell people, if I'm going to be the mom here, we have to have some story," I wait for him to give me feedback.

Josh's POV:  
It's a valid question; I suppose I hadn't really thought of it that way. The press would have a field day.   
"We'll figure something out," I reassure her.

"Really?" she looks hopeful.

"Yeah, right now we've got work to do," I turn and walk away.   
Suddenly I stop, wait a minute, this is Donna. This is my Donna, who cares that we're in the middle of a campaign. Struck by a sudden boldness I didn't know I had, I turn back around intent on sweeping her up in my arms and kissing her passionately, but she's gone. Shaking my head I make my way back to the office.

Amy's POV:

It's going to be a long hard haul to the end. The doctors give me a year tops that means I might have a chance to get to know my child. Then I consider it and realize that that' the optimistic outlook. Josh sounded nervous but then once I suggested Donna's involvement he had sounded less so. Well, I guess the thought of broaching that topic with her didn't sound like a walk in the park. I know how Donna Moss thinks though; I knew she loved Josh all those years ago when Josh and I were together. I knew that she watched out for him in a way I never could. I suppose she considered that her job, but I never appreciated the way he would go to her if something went really wrong. They had been a good team and still are, but things have changed between them yet again. For the early days of the campaign when I worked briefly with Santos, I would watch Josh. He was afraid of me then, but we were over and I think he eventually took comfort in the fact that I saw the truth in that as well. Then I knew something had changed Donna wasn't there. Donna wasn't around keeping him together, and without her, Josh was barely holding his own life up around him. He's happier now, I can see it in his eyes and I wouldn't change that.

Leo's POV:

I watch Josh stop in the hallway after walking away from Donna and turn. She's not still there, I saw her face as he walked away, and it held an expression of hope and regret. Would he ever act on his feelings for her? I shake my head and look back down at the electoral map. Josh walks up to me looking stressed, "Can we talk?"

"Sure," I gesture towards the empty seat.

"Leo, I'm going to be a dad," he looks up at me.

I don't know how I manage not to react; I take a moment to compose myself.

"I see," I tilt my head studying the young man.

"Is it Donna's?" I couldn't resist, it does make sense.  
Josh's eyebrows almost rise off his forehead, "What!"

"Well?" I smirk at him.

"NO Leo," he takes a breathe, "I'm the godfather to Amy Gardener's child."  
I have so many questions I don't know where to start, but after years of working and subtly guiding Josh I've learned that he'll take his own time.

"She's sick Leo," his face saddens and I know that even though they've been over for a long time, he's still afraid of losing someone else.

"She's also pregnant and she came to me asking if I'd adopt her baby, or raise it," Josh sighed deeply.

"Josh, you said yes?" I can't keep my voice level at that explanation.

"Yes I did, she told me I was someone who really treated her right, that she could trust with her baby," Josh cracked a small smile, "interesting isn't it considering our actual relationship?"

I didn't respond to that, he doesn't need my opinion on him and Amy. That is something that's best left in the closet so to speak.

"Where does Donna come into this," I almost hate to ask.

"Donna is going to help me, she's going to be a mom," Josh looks truly content when he says that and I realize yet again that Donna Moss truly has Josh Lyman wrapped around her heart. He'll never let her go, nor will he easily admit that he can't afford to.

"Josh, I don't need to tell you that this is going to make headlines," I don't know if he actually cares.

"It won't be until after the election Leo," he hesitates, "She's only about two months along and the doctors are giving her about a year."

"Okay Josh, what's really going on with Donna," I prod; this kid is hopeless, seriously.

He drops his eyes, "Leo I don't know what you're talking about," he resists.

"Oh please," even I don't have enough patience for this.

"It's complicated," he flubs.

"No Josh, it's simple, it's only in your head now that it's complicated. She doesn't work for you, she works for Santos." Surely he knows this by now.

He lifts his head, "But Leo, it'll still…"

"Don't keep doing this to yourself Josh, it's not fair to her," I'll not soon forget the look of longing on Donna's face as he walked away from her.  
"Leo I'm not even sure she feels the…" he protests again.

"Joshua Lyman, you are blind to Donna's feelings, do you trust me?"  
"Of course I do," he looks surprised.

"Donna loves you," I watch his face; he has to understand that I'm not kidding with him anymore.


	8. Once was Blind

Chapter 8: I once was blind

Josh Lyman didn't appreciate the look he was receiving, but he had to admit he was probably entitled to it.

Leo studied the younger man, "Josh, I'm serious," he said firmly.

Josh nodded, "right, I've got to go look at the numbers with Lou," he stood.

Leo watched him walk away with a sigh.

Donna's POV:  
Josh is a jerk. Well, actually I've just gotten a major hint, maybe not though. I mean I never expected to be a mom like this. I imagined our courtship; this is Josh I'm talking about obviously. We would finish the campaign, but I wouldn't be working in his area of the White House. We'd have a romantic life, and soon after, well he would propose to me. We'd have a White House wedding, like Ellie's. I would be wearing a beautifully cream colored, not white, dress because it just doesn't seem right considering my history, but maybe that's my mother talking. Then we'd have a week off together to love and lavish each other with everything we've held back for nine years. I smile thinking about that, it would be quite a week. Then we'd come back and settle into a house or large apartment, working in the White House, we'd be able to afford a place I could make into a home. Maybe we'd even have a pool for the kids, ah the kids…

I snap my head up; Lou is standing there, "Hello Donna?"

Oh dear, she's giving me a look.

"Hi Lou," she's my boss, but actually so is Josh, she works for Josh.

"Should I tell Josh you're slipping at the job?" Her tone is teasing, but it's not really that funny and she laughs at the look on my face.

"Relax, I wouldn't do that, where is he by the way?"

Right, she's asking me where Josh is, it's an innocent enough question, but I sure as hell don't want to answer it.

"He's around, he was talking to Leo a few minutes ago," that is all I can manage without squeaking.

She gives me another weird look and makes her way towards his office.

I feel shaky, this is not good. However I know now that the reason I feel like this is because I know that Josh and I have reached the edge of a new step to our relationship. I'm just terrified about what's going to happen.

Matt Santos's POV:

"Donna's having a weird day," Lou enters and stops seeing me.

"Congressman," she looks mortified.

"No worries Lou, we're done here," I stand to leave but not before catching the look on Josh's face. He looks slightly stricken.

"Josh?" I eye him, he's not someone who acts easily shaken.

"Uh huh, sit down Lou," he walks over to his door.

I follow his gaze and my eyes fall on a certain blonde. She is striking as she stands busily outling the next day.

"Josh?" I turn to look at Lou, Josh doesn't make a move.

"Josh," he jumps this time.

"Right, okay Lou, fill me in, where are we?" He is still trying to compose himself.

I decide to make a detour by Donna, "Donna?"

"Congressman," she turns with a smile, "What can I do for you?"

"I was hoping you might be able to help me figure something out," I wait.

"Of course, anything," she's too willing.

"What's up with Josh," I pry.

It's amazing how fast that woman can shut down.

"Congressman, I don't know what you're talking about," she's not a good liar.

"Donna, he's been acting funny all day," I don't let it rest.

"He's running a national campaign sir, he's stressed," Donna sounds defensive.

"Donna, are you defending Josh's behavior?"

"You don't think I have a right too?" her eyes snap, I've hit a nerve.

"I never said that Donna," I didn't either.

She looks down consenting to my point, "Josh is under a lot of pressure, he's nervous," she says.

"Donna, he's doing fine," she has to know I believe in him.

"Does he know you think that?" this woman is amazing.

"I don't know," and I guess I don't.

"Josh doesn't need you to talk to me about him," she responds, "Talk to him about him."

I move on realizing somehow she hasn't told me anything I didn't know. That's not what I was after, "Donna," I turn back to ask her one last thing.

She's gone.

Josh's POV:

I can't focus; the Congressman is talking to Donna. She's got that body posture that says don't mess with me. He will though, suddenly he nods and he's walking away. Donna makes a hasty exit, and I see him turn back and stiffen because she's gone.

"Earth to Josh," damn it the numbers.

"Yeah sorry," I can't make myself focus on this.

Just then my phone rings, "its Amy Gardener," Bram tells me.

"Lou, give me a minute," I raise my eyebrows and she nods standing up.

"Come see me when you're done," she walks out.

"Amy," I hope I sound normal.

"Things still okay with you?" she sounds nervous.

"Great, I asked Donna to be a mom with me," I tell her.

"That's wonderful Josh, what did she say?"

"She was thrilled," I felt glad telling her that.

Amy's POV:

I bet Donna was thrilled; this is her dream coming true.

"Josh did you ask her anything else?" I want to know if he told her how he feels.

"What, what else is there?" he's playing dumb, one of the most brilliant political minds out there is playing dumb.

"Josh Lyman, don't play dumb with me because I sure as hell know you aren't," this man is astonishing.

There's a long silence, "Amy, I don't know how to do the rest," he sounds terrified.

"Josh, everyone knows including Donna, do it."

"Okay Amy, I'll think about it, how are you feeling?"

He's changing the topic, with concern in his voice, he is good.

"I'm alright Josh, tired, but okay."

"I'll talk to you soon, I've numbers to crunch," he's chickening out.

"Donna Josh, remember Donna?" I have to remind him.

"Uh huh," he sounds like a whimpering dog.

Josh's POV:  
I hang up the phone, two Donna pushes in one day? This is painful; it's so obvious to everyone. I should just go do it, I've been blind and then stupid for too many years. Amy told me I'm not dumb, hard to tell wit the way I've been acting. I must be losing brownies points with Donna now by the day.

"Donna," she looks up.

"Josh," her smile kills me, oh boy, here goes.

"Would you like the grab dinner at that Italian restaurant with me tonight, I hear it's amazing," I glance up at her giving her the boyish smile I knew she'd always liked.

Donna tilts her head, "Josh, are you sure?"

"Yes more than anything," did I just say that? That was corny.

"Seven?" I nod my agreement.

"Pick you up?" I offer.

"Okay, seven it is," she walks off.

I did it, we're going out, and dare I use the word date?

Leo walks up, "you're going to be fine kid."

I glance at him with what I'm sure is a shell-shocked expression.

He walks away chuckling at my expense, what else could it be?


	9. First Date

Chapter 9: first date

I own nothing, I'm just borrowing some scenes and dialogue and the characters for creative writing.

Thanks to all who review, it means a huge amount to me.

Josh checked his suit for the last time. He had fifteen minutes to get to Donna's place. His suit was a dark blue, he had a white shirt on, and he was wearing the red tie Donna had brought him for his last birthday. Josh knew he looked patriotic, but he figured it couldn't hurt as long as it was a good combination. He lastly checked to make sure the flowers were all in one piece and then went to his car.

Donna studied her reflection, Josh was picking her up in fifteen minutes and she needed to pick a dress. Her makeup was done flawlessly, one of her better jobs and she was wearing a simple bracelet, gold earring studs and a pearl necklace. She just needed a dress and shoes. She opened her closet and then her eyes fell upon the red dress. That red dress had been worn once on a disastrous date. However Josh had said that night, "Oh and Donna, you looked really beautiful tonight in that dress. You should buy it for yourself," she'd met his gaze and known yet again that she was in love with him. She hadn't been able to get rid of it. She'd kept it to help her dream stay alive. Tonight it would be perfect.

Josh was on time; Donna smiled as the bell rang. She buzzed him in and opened the door.

Josh's POV:  
I think I might pass out. Donna is smiling at me with the sweetest expression I've ever seen. This isn't' the workplace and suddenly I'm struck with the fact that I might indeed be the luckiest guy in the world not to have lost this amazing woman to someone else by now. It's been a long time. She's wearing the red dress. That's what I notice after the smile. It still fits her like a glove and I remember that night.

"It's the dress," I finally speak. Graceful Lyman, well done.

She just nods.

"It's beautiful," I respond.

"I remember you liked it," oh boy, the seductive Donna voice. AS her boss, I never heard it, as her friend I would occasionally, although mostly about or to others. As Josh, I longed to hear it.

"I brought you these," I hold out the flowers. Small gift for the one she's given me.

"I'll put them in water," she's in her kitchen and I shift uneasily.

"Ready?" she appears with her coat.  
I hold out my arm and she takes it, she's smiling at me.

"Josh, thank you," she doesn't have to say anything else.

We're in my car and pulling out, our first date.

Donna's POV:  
He looks so handsome. I am going on a date with Josh. This is our first date, and we've known each other almost nine years. I love this man; I guess I have always loved him. His face when he recognized the dress almost made me cry. Luckily he had flowers; I had a chance to collect myself.

We pull up to a parking spot and Josh escorts me in.

"Mr. Lyman," he's greeted by the host.

"Table for two," Josh tightens his grip on my arm slightly.

I know he's thinking the same thing, we're actually on date.

We order drinks and then his eyes meet mine.  
"Donna, I'm sorry that I never gave you a chance," I can tell he's been feeling guilty about this for a while.

"Josh, I never meant it to be personal when I left, I didn't leave you," I don't know if he can ever truly accept that.

"We're here now, I know you didn't leave me," I think he might get it.  
"Josh, thank you for coming to Germany," I don't think I've ever thanked him.

"It was the only place I could imagine being," he admitted.  
"Did things change, then between us, I mean?" graceful Donna, well put, what did you major in again?

"It was the first time I realized how lost I would be without you," Josh pulls a small smile on his face, "it certainly wasn't the last."

"Josh?" he's thinking again.

"The day you left Donna, I realized that the White House wasn't enough anymore. That's why I left, that's why I went looking for a candidate. I suppose I felt that if I found Matt then it would be new and not painful. I didn't realize I needed to find you Donna."  
"You did Josh, I'm here now," he has to know I will never leave him again. Not this time, this time things are different.

"Your drinks," the wine is here. It's good wine too.

He's watching me, he has admitted some things to me and it's my turn.

"Josh, do you know the day I first fell in love with you?"

I'm surprised he doesn't choke.  
"It was the day I met you, you handed me your badge, and the day you were shot, that's the day I realized I couldn't live without you," I meet his eyes.

"How did you leave then?" He wants to understand.

"I knew it was the only way for us to find our way back to each other, Josh we were going away, it was stale, it wasn't what we wanted."

Josh's POV:  
She's right, and now it's time to admit something again to her.

"I fell in love with you the moment I heard your voice," it's true. She was there in my office and she captured my heart.

"Josh," her eyes are welling up. I hand her a handkerchief. I can be old fashioned and a gentleman.

She smiles through her tears and the waiter comes to take our order.

Much later she looks up with a new hope in her eyes.  
"Why then Josh?"

"Because I loved the way you looked at me," I tell her.

"How was that?"

"The same way you always have," I respond.

"Josh?"  
"Like you know me," it's true too.

"I do," she nods.  
"I know," it's a simple exchange, but it's the crux of our relationship.

"How about dessert," she smiles.

We share a chocolate something, I don't even remember. I'm too busy watching her.

We pull up outside her door and I run around to open the passenger side.

"Josh?" she looks shocked.

I just grin and escort her to her door. This is it. This is the big moment.

"


	10. At the Office

Donna's POV:

Josh is smiling at me and I have lost all ability to breathe.

This is that fated moment after the first date where you wonder if there is going to be a kiss. The implications of this moment are going to haunt me forever. Josh's eyes meet mine and I can tell he's feeling it out as well. I lean towards him and the world stops as his lips capture mine. They're soft and tender, and the love I feel coursing through my body makes me tremble. His hand grips the back on my head pulling me in closer and his other hand slips to the bottom of my lower back. We stand there and the enormity of this is just registering. We're Josh and Donna, and this time it's real.

Josh's POV:  
She accepts my question without a second thought, her lips accept mine and her body accepts the embrace of my own. She is trembling and in that moment I know I've found the woman that I am destined to be with. We're going to be parents, we're going to be lovers, but we've always been soul mates.

I pull away finally for air. She's smiling at me with a look on her face that is both shocked and amazed.

"Josh," she can't say anything else.

"I know," I have to reassure her that I feel the same way.

"I love you Donnatella," the words slip out, but I don't regret it.

"Josh, I love you too," tears are welling up in her eyes.

"Don't cry Donna," I gently wipe away the ones that start to fall.

"Josh, for the first time I feel…" she looks down clearly struggling with her emotions.

I give her time, there's no need to rush this moment.  
"I feel complete," she finally looks me straight in the eye and the intensity in her eyes almost takes my breath away.

This angel is standing on her door stoop; it's just occurred to me how the light behind her is lighting up the area behind her so she looks like she has a heavenly glow. She's saying I complete her, this glowing vision in red, with tears and a smile is saying I'm her other half? Josh Lyman you are the luckiest man in the world. I cannot believe that I am this fortunate.

Donna's POV:  
So I've confessed and he is staring at me with this expression almost like I'm a goddess to be worshiped.

"Josh," I have to know why.

"Yeah," he shakes himself slightly.

"What's with the staring?"

"You look like a vision, or an angel," he whispers.

Josh Lyman is romantic? This cannot be happening. I've dreamed of us since the day I saw him.

"We're good," he gives me that cute boyish smile that I love so much.

"Yeah, we are," I lean in again and he eagerly meets my lips.

We kiss breathlessly for as long as we can and when we pull apart, he doesn't go far.

"Donna," he's resting his forehead against mine.

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I should come up tonight," he says what we both know.

"I know," I'm not upset by that.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he gives me one gentle kiss, "bye Donna," as he walks away I suddenly imagine with real hope the day that he won't have to walk away from me at the end of the evening.

Leo's POV:  
Josh is grinning, we're running an incredibly tense national campaign and the manager is grinning. Come to think of it, Donna looked pretty happy this morning too.

"Josh," I wait for him to look up.

"Hey Leo, good morning, how are things looking?" Yup, he's almost jovial.

"Probably not as good as you," I wait for his comeback.

"Leo my old friend, the day smells of roses," he has that Josh like dancing quality about him when he used to when he would brag about good things he did in the White House. He hasn't had that since, well since Donna was in Gaza. That's a long time.

"Josh, perhaps you can tell me why Donna is grinning like a Cheshire cat," I wait.

"She is?" He spun around looking even more delighted. It's confirmed.  
"Josh," I feel a slight grin spreading.  
"Leo, she's the one, she's always been the one," and he's dancing off down the corridor.

I hesitate and decide to go check in with Donna.  
"Donna?" She jumps about ten feet, "Leo!"

I watch her face, she's blushing.

"Donna, did you have a good evening off last night?"

"Yes I did," she looks pretty content.

"Good guy?" I can't help it.

"Yeah," she's bright red.

"Josh had a good time too, I haven't seen him this happy in months Donna," I let her off the hook.

"Leo," she lowers her voice, "I think I might finally have realized he's the one."  
"It's about time," I grin at her, "we've all known for years."

Josh's POV:  
I'm watching her. No, not stalking, watching. She standing there going over her notes, she's biting her pencil; I love it when she does that. My Donna, yes I said "my" Donna. She's perfect, she's witty, intelligent, passionate, and beautiful, and the list goes on and on and on. I'm an idiot, call that my middle name. She suddenly looks up, "Josh?"

"Hey," I just grin like an idiot.

She is clearly hesitant to come towards me.

"Come here," I hold out my hands to her and she eases her way across the room.

"Josh, we're here, do you really think?"

Before she can say anything else, we're in my office and I'm kissing her against the door.

"Josh," her protest is so weak I can barely hear it as I start kissing her neck.

Just then someone knocks and I groan softly, "later Donnatella, later."

I quickly walk her over to my desk and yell, "Come in," as I hand her a folder.

"Hey Lou," I greet the woman on the other side who eyes us a bit curiously.

"Hey Josh, Donna," she greets us both and then heads over to me.

"We're picking up some steam in California," she looks pretty excited.  
I force myself to study the numbers, "things are looking better," I agree.

"Okay, what else is up," I ask.

"Well there's a situation in the Middle East with China and Russia still, CJ is keeping us somewhat up to speed, but she can't say much," Lou hesitated.

"Anything else," I wait.

"Not at the moment, the Congressman and Leo have a meeting. The press office is meeting with Donna is ten, and there is a possibility that Senator Vinick is going to be making some sort of speech today on the Middle East situation, but reports aren't confirmed."

"Okay," I glance at my watch.

"Going somewhere?" she asked.

"I wanted to meet Amy Gardener for lunch," I responded.

"See you," she heads out.

Donna appears in my doorway, "I'm off to…"

I close the door and begin kissing her again cutting her off.

She tastes so wonderful and I love how she is holding on to me for dear life.  
She pulls away straightening her clothes, "Josh," I see the desire in her eyes.  
"Okay go, before I," I don't finish, but I can tell you that a cold shower would be good.

She smiles seductively, "Sometime we'll have to discover how many other ways we can compensate for a cold shower," she walks out leaving me stunned. Donna just promised me, oh wow.


	11. A Little Chat

Chapter 11: A Little Chat

Amy's POV:  
He's kissed Donna Moss. I can tell from his walk when he enters the restaurant. I start to stand but he's next to me and kissing me on the cheek before I can stand, "don't get up."  
He sits down across from me and he looks like a new man. Yes this is Josh Lyman, the one who could never fully commit. I am beginning to think this baby is going to be incredibly lucky now. I don't think I was cut out for this whole mothering business. Josh is watching me now closely.

"How are you doing these days Amy?"

"I'm okay, thanks for asking," and I have been.

"What have the doctors said?"

"They told me the baby stands a good chance of being born healthy and that I'm doing better than they expected."  
He looks relieved, "well you look pretty good," a compliment.  
"Josh, you look remarkably unstressed," there's no other way to put it.

"Yeah," he's blushing, not possible.  
"Josh," I drag his name out just like I used to when I was annoyed with him.  
"Sorry," he's so cute.

"Joshua Lyman," he'll tell me, by God I will make him.

"She's the one," it's a simple declaration that almost brings tears to my eyes.

"Took you long enough," I have to rib him.

"I never thought I could be this happy," he is admitting to me that he loves Donna Moss.

"Josh, do you see now why we were always dancing around each other," I wait.

"Yeah, cause you pissed the hell out of me," ouch, that's true though.  
"Josh that may be true, but you never loved me," and he has to know that.

"I was the only who was blind huh?" he looks ashamed.

"I don't think she really recognized it either," I know she did somewhat though.  
"Amy?"

"I once asked her about you and she said that I had to 'get you.'"

Josh hesitated, "Oh," he looks confused.  
"I didn't Josh, but she does, she always will."  
HE nods, "I feel complete Amy," he's smiling the biggest smile I've ever seen on him.

"I know Josh, I just wanted to have lunch with you and let you know that the baby's fine, and I'm still pretty healthy, or having good days," I don't tell him that I wanted to check in on him and Donna.

"Thank you Amy, anything you ever need," he is watching me carefully.

I stand up, "thanks for the drink," I lean in and kiss his forehead, "be happy baby," and I walk away. Walking away from this man hurts, but the happiness I feel for him outweighs it.

Josh's POV:  
I feel bad for the all the women I've ever dated. I wonder if they all, like Amy, realized at a certain point they would never have my heart. I keep thinking about Mandy, boy she was a pill. Sometimes I wonder about her, sometimes I wonder if she was hurt by me, or just realized that I was a hopeless fool, could be both. I pull out my phone and dial her office number, "Hello?"

"Mandy?"

"Speaking," she waits.  
"Josh Lyman," I hear a sharp intake.

"Josh," she's shocked.  
"Nice to talk to you to Mandy," I give her a way out.  
"What can I do for you Josh?"  
"Mandy, I realize this is decidedly odd, but did you ever believe we could have been happy together?"

"Josh," she pauses, "No not really," she is quiet now.

"Why?"

"There was always someone else," she confirmed it.

"Donna," I say her name.

"Yes," she is almost whispering.

"When Mandy?" I have to know when she felt this.

"The day I met her," Mandy chuckled.  
"What!" I can't hide my shock.

"Josh, I saw the look she gave you and the way you reacted around her. There was chemistry, respect, love, tenderness and devotion beyond what any woman could ever want Josh. In the White House, I would walk by your office and she would be there, guarding you, making your life as easy as she could, she never wanted me around, she knew I hurt you. She would have walked off a cliff for you from day one," Mandy sounds so sure.

I feel like the biggest idiot.

"Josh, its okay you didn't see it. The timing wasn't right, but it was there."  
"Yeah," I whisper.

"Does that mean you two?" she hesitates.

"Yeah," I feel a smile, how does Donna manage to make me so happy by just the implication of her being part of the rest of my life?

"I'm really happy for you Josh, you finally woke up," Mandy is laughing at me.

"Thanks Mandy, I'm sorry," I am too.

"Josh, everyone has soul mates, sometimes it just takes a while to realize they could have been right in front of you," she sounds certain.  
"Bye Mandy."  
"Bye Josh," she hangs up.

It's time to go back to work, back to see Donna.

Donna's POV:  
Josh walks in looking both shocked and rather excited.  
"Oh Donna," he's grinning, I love this man.

"Yes Josh?" I raise my eyebrows.  
"You have to get me?" He's talked to Amy.  
"Josh," he's going to embarrass me.

"No Donna, I'm really curious," he's watching me way too closely.

"There are some stories Josh that will have to wait," I want him to leave and I think he senses my change in mood.  
He steps forward, "someday?"

"My wedding gift ot you," Shoot, I can't believe that slipped out.

"Josh, I'm sorry," I don't want to scare him.

"Why are you sorry?" he looks puzzled.

"I don't…" don't what? I don't want to scare him? I don't want to push? Am I really sorry?  
"Donna," he leans in, "I love you," and it's that simple.

"Okay," I murmur.

He kisses my cheek and heads off and I watch him go.

That man makes my heart sing.

Leo's POV:  
Josh is beaming, well, I guess it's not surprising.

"Leo," he walks over to me.

"Hum," I glance at him.

"Leo, how long would you say people should date before they get married?"  
That's not what I was expecting.

"Josh, it depends," I study him, "Donna?"

"Yeah Leo, we're just, I feel like we've already been married for years," he bites his lip and runs his hand nervously through his hair, "Does that make sense?"  
"For you two, yeah," it's true.

"Leo, I think she's the one," he's admitting what Donna herself told me.

"Josh, I'm no marriage expert, but you two have been the major office romance for the last eight years," he might as well know it.

"Really?" he's smirking.

"Yes Josh," can't hurt to say what's true.  
"Okay, time to get this meeting rolling," he announces, but for the life of me I can't figure out how he's summing up his focus. Love does the strangest things.


	12. Tender Loving Care

Donna's POV

I'm sitting in Josh's office. My feet are propped up on his desk and I'm eating his dinner. This feels right, just like old times.

"Donna, you're eating my food," he appears in the office doorway, still stating the obvious even after all these years.

"It's getting cold and going to waste," it really is.

"Donna," he actually looks annoyed.

"Yes?" I like this.

"Please get your feet off my papers, they smell," he is glaring at me.

Wow, that man does not look thrilled, but he did just insult my very tired feet. That's almost enough to make me continue my routine, but I reluctantly remove them from his precious papers.

"Donna, you ate all my fries," he is still whining.

"I'm not getting you new ones," I'm not his assistant anymore.

"Okay," he turns and walks out. What just happened?  
"Josh?" I stand up walking to the office entrance to watch him leave.

"Yeah," he spins to face me.

"Are you okay?" It's not like him to respond like this.

"Yeah," he rubs his eyes, "I'm getting some coffee," he turns again.  
"Josh, I'll do it," I wait.

"Donna you've only once gotten me coffee," he remembers.

"Yeah," I wait.

"You told me it wasn't something you would ever do for me," he looks so confused, poor man.

"Josh, I'm not your assistant anymore," I walked towards him.

"So?" he studies me.

I place my arms over his shoulders linking my hands behind his neck.

"Josh, I love you," I search his eyes, "I think I can get the man I love a cup of coffee."

A smile spreads across his face and he places his forehead against mine, "black, and no sugar."

We separate, going our ways, but I have to look back at him. Somehow in typical Josh Lyman fashion, he's done something unpredictable, he's swept me off my feet.

The next morning: Election Day is two weeks away

Josh's POV

"Donna!" I'm yelling and she's not going to be happy with me at all.

"What Josh," yup I was right.

"Donna, can you please find the recent polling numbers from Ohio," she's not my assistant.  
"Josh," she is glaring at me.

"Donna, I know you hate when I yell, but we need those numbers and no one else around here ca n find anything."  
"Josh," she looks like she has something to say and then shakes her head, "I'll be right back."  
She returns less than five minutes later holding those damn papers.  
"Thank you," I catch her hand as she leaves, "Donna, truly, thank you."  
A smile graces her lips and she nods, "Sure," and walks away. Gosh I love watching her walk away. Focus Josh.

"Josh," Lou is standing there, "what's the verdict?"  
"We're down three points, but gaining momentum," it looks good.  
"So where do you want to look now?"

"Latino vote in Texas," it's critical.

"Immigration stance for Florida," she reminds. Darn, it is true, she does have a point.

"The Congressman will address it on his own time," one issue I'd like to avoid.

"Yeah," she doesn't believe it.

"Where's Leo?" It's hard to keep track of him.  
"He's in California talking about social security."

"Ok," boy my head hurts.

"Josh?" She's looking worried. I need more coffee.

"Okay, where's Mrs. Santos?" I need to focus.

"She's with the kids in Houston; she's coming in with them at four."

"We need those numbers kept up to date, we need publicity following Leo's visit, we need a speech on the Kazakhstan conflict and our concerns, we need spots on Leno, and we need CNN to be at the rally in Ohio which we need to make sure is going to go off without a hitch," boy my brain is running on autopilot.

"We have four people running the polling stations, we have the Times in California writing about our visits and policies there, I'll try and find some other major news networks, McNally can brief the Congressman tonight over a secure line, Donna is working on the press spots and Bram will call CNN." Lou can deal with my madness almost as well as Donna.

"Yeah," I need coffee.

"Josh, Donna's going to get food, do you want anything?"

"Nope," I grab my coat. I need some air.

Donna's POV:  
Josh is walking towards me with a cell phone to his ear. How romantic.

"Hey," he hangs up as he gets to me.

"Do you want something to eat?" He looks awful.

"Nope," he places his hand at the small of my back urging me forward.

I walk waiting for him to speak, but he doesn't.

I place the large food order to go and then Josh pipes up, "one latte, triple shot."  
"Make that a double," I correct out of habit.  
"Hey," he protests.

"Trust me, he'll be back later, it's better for business," I assure the young man.

He rings it in and I pay before turning to Josh, "are you trying to give yourself a heart attack?"

"No," Josh looks jittery and tired. That's a bad combination.  
"Josh," I lower my voice, "is your PTSD spiking," I'm suddenly worried. Did I miss any signs?  
His face dawns understanding and he smiles, "no, I'm just tired." I think he's lying, but I let it go, for now anyway.

"Here you go," the man hands Josh his coffee and he starts guzzling it. I grab it from him and he spills some down his front, "Donna!"

"Easy tiger," I take a swig. Wow, that's powerful stuff.

His phone starts ringing and I snatch that too.

"Donna," he's glaring at me.

"Josh, you are the one that's not eating, over tired, came for a walk with me and now won't talk. Go sit down and take a breath, hello?" I answer his phone.

"Donna?" It's the Congressman and he's clearly confused.

"Josh is momentarily unavailable," I glance at his tired form sitting in a booth.  
"I really need to talk to him," damn it.  
"Congressman, as a favor, I'm asking you to pass it to me and I'll inform him when he gets back and he'll call you immediately."  
"Is he alright?" There's concern.

"He's just outside getting a breath of fresh air."  
"It's about the rally in Ohio; apparently Vinick is swinging through there as well."

"Where's Lou?" that's not great news.

"She's calling CNN to do a rally in Florida that day speaking on immigration," he responded. Oh man, Josh did not want that topic on the table.  
"That's why you want to talk to him," darn it, darn it!

"Yes," he sounds apologetic.

"Josh," he looks up, "it's the Congressman." He's off and running. I tried.


	13. Desire

Now that the show has ended I'm ending my "Departure" story which deals with Leo's death. "Yes We Can," which is AU from early on will continue with Amy's child being raised by Josh and Donna. Lastly, "The Path We Take" which follows directly along with the West Wing show through the final episode "Tomorrow" will pick up where the show left off. I hope the two will not overlap a huge amount; some of the writing may be similar considering it's me writing both stories. Also, some dynamics may have a similar flavor as well, but I'll do my best to keep them separate.

Note There's a bit of innuendo in this chapter, but I think it's still a "T" rating.

Chapter 13: Desire

Josh groaned leaning over his desk. He managed to keep the immigration issue off the table, but it had taken some quick work. The coffee had done its job and he was now just tired. He looked up to see Donna standing in the doorway.

"Hey," he ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm taking you back to the hotel," she informed him.

"No I have stuff to do," he argued, although weakly.

"Joshua Lyman, now," she reached for his coat and glared at him.

He reluctantly packed up his briefcase and followed her out of the office.

She ushered him into the car and climbed into the driver's seat, "Amy called."  
"Is she okay?" his voice held a note of panic, "is the baby okay?"

"She sounded tired, but alright," Donna finally said.

"I need to call her," he reached for his cell phone.

"Josh, you need to relax, it's two AM. She won't be awake. Don't get her up, she knows you'll call her as soon as you can," focusing on her voice Josh took a deep breath.

"You're always right, why is that?" he studied the blonde sitting next to him wondering for the millionth time what he would do without her.

"It's a gift," she responded, but only half jokingly.

Once in the hotel, Donna followed Josh into his room.

"Donna as much as I want," she glared again.

"Sorry," he lowered his head.

"Josh I want you to take a shower and get in bed. I'll get you up at seven, no earlier."

He watched her take his watch, cell phone and bedside clock.

"Donna this is not the time to go messing with me, I need some way to tell him" he warned but with a whining note.

"Josh I've been messing with you for nine years and you're still alive. My intention is to keep it that way," she didn't take crap from Josh, she never really had.

He just looked defeated and tired, and Donna felt a flash of worry again.

"Josh," she walked over to stand in front of him and gently raised her lips to his.

"Mmm," he mumbled softly.

"Are you sure you're alright," her eyes searched his and he softened.

"Yeah I'm okay, night Donna."

She turned and set down his watch, "it doesn't have an alarm," she smiled and then she was gone.

Josh's POV:

She was just taking care of me. God, I want her more than anything, but now is not the time. Now is the time for bed and so I go stumbling into my covers.

Donna's POV

I'm exhausted, but now is not the time to think about that. I'm too worried about Josh and his PTSD. He is lying to me, but there's not a whole lot I can do except pray that I will notice all the signs. This election campaign is brutal and eating away at him. I think he's doing a fantastic job, but this whole thing with Amy isn't good either. I understand why she picked Josh, I imagine if I was in her shoes it would be my choice as well. This doesn't mean though that I like the fact Josh has to deal with that as well. I didn't tell him how awful she sounded.

Flashback

"Hello," Donna's cell phone had been ringing persistently.

"Donna," there was coughing.

"Yes," she waited.

"This is Amy," the voice whispered.

"Amy, oh my god," Donna quickly scanned the room for Josh spotting him busy in his office.

"Should I get Josh?" She didn't want to.

"No, that's why I called you; wait to tell him at a moment he's not busy. I saw him on TV this afternoon briefly with Santos and he looked like hell."  
Donna softened; they both loved this man, but in different ways. She wasn't jealous of Amy, and she was grateful that she was sparing Josh.

"What's wrong?"

"I seem to have taken a turn for the worse, the doctors aren't sure how fast I'm going to go downhill from here, I'm in the hospital."

"How's the baby," Donna felt bad for not asking more about Amy, but she had to know in case Josh asked her.

"Still growing well," Amy reassured her, "my goal is to stay here through the middle of my eighth month."

Donna hesitated, "would you like me to come over there?"

"No, Josh needs you, but I figured at least one of you should know."  
"Thank you for telling us Amy, please keep in touch," Donna meant it.

"I'll call you to give you updates, you decide when he should know," Amy responded.

"Okay, bye," Donna sat down, going fast, what did that mean for her and Josh?

Present

Donna threw her purse on the floor and walked into the bathroom. She didn't ever want to tell Josh, but she knew he would call Amy in the morning. She decided she would break the bad news on the way to work.

The next morning:

"Josh," Donna called knocking. She hated to wake him up. A minute later the door opened revealing a rumpled Josh, "it's seven."

"Already," Josh spun around and headed for the shower leaving Donna in the doorway.

"When do you think I can call Amy," he shouted out.

"I would imagine after ten," Donna said struggling to resist the urge to follow him into the shower.

Josh's face reappeared, "Donna I would invite you in here in a heartbeat, but I don't want our first time to be in the shower and if you did join me I don't think…"

"I know," Donna cut him off feeling her face flush.

"I'll be ready soon," and he vanished.

Donna sat down on his bed and flopped backwards, she didn't know how long they could stay focused. So much was going on for the campaign and she was utterly exhausted. She dozed quietly for about ten minutes and sat up when the shower stopped. Seconds later Josh appeared wet with a towel wrapped around his waist and Donna felt her knees go weak. She was glad she was sitting.

"Donna," they just stared at each other.

She stood slowly and walked towards him.

"I'm wet," Josh protested as she leaned in, he didn't want to get her nice clothes all wet. But, he couldn't resist her when she was this close.

"Its fine Josh, I don't mind getting damp," her eyes sparkled and he almost groaned.

"Donna," he whined.

She planted a quick kiss on his lips, "alright have it your way," she pouted and then she was gone, "hurry up," she called over her shoulder as the door closed.

Josh let out a soft curse and headed to get dressed.

Donna's POV:  
That was way too close, that was awful. He is mine this time, when I fantasize, it's ok. I wanted to be mean, but I didn't expect to be that affected by my own teasing. His reaction threw me, oh the images. I have to pull myself together, cold water on face is good, but then my make up will get smeared, ok focus Donna. There's a knock.

"Are you ready slowpoke?" his joking tone is mocking me.

"Yes," I open the door we both look better.

"About earlier," he hesitates.

"We'll talk later," I lead him out to the car.  
"Donna I really do want…" he studies my face.

"We will Josh, we will," and it's off to the office.


	14. Where do We Stand?

Donna's POV

Josh is running around barking out orders like he's a chicken with its head cut off. Okay so maybe that's a bad image, but come on…this is Josh, tired, and on way too much caffeine. He needs to get drunk, but if he gets drunk now it's not going to help us. I vow to get him drunk after we win this damn election.

I'm pondering all this while looking at polling data in Ohio; it's looking a little close for my liking, when Josh appears in the doorway.

"Did you talk to Amy yesterday?" He looks annoyed.

Shit, "she called yesterday while you were out and told me to talk to you after you'd gotten some sleep." That's not good enough.

"Damn it Donna," Josh is actually shouting at me out of the blue his voice rises exponentially.

"Josh," I stand up going behind him to close the door.

"Donna you do not get to chose when to share news about Amy and my baby, MY BABY, with me," he is yelling now.

"Josh," this is not good.

"Never again Donna, from now on, you don't talk to her. You tell her to call me and if she insists you don't tell me at certain times, then you make damn well sure she understands that a load of bull! Got it?!" His face is actually slightly red and he's breathing heavily.

The only things running through my head are one, he's yelling, two, he called the baby his, 'My baby' rang in my head over and over.

I nodded mutely and was surprised and upset when he stormed out instead of softening and relaxing so we could talk.

Leo appeared in the doorway a few minutes later looking concerned and I didn't know what to say.

"You kids okay?" I've always liked how he's called us kids; it makes me feel like someone's looking out for us in this crazy world of politics.

"I don't know," and I honestly don't

"Josh is angry I didn't tell him about Amy. I was going to and then we arrived here and he literally disappeared. I know I should have told him last night, but he was so exhausted, she had asked me not to…" my voice trailed off.

"You were trying to do what was right, what's wrong with Amy?" Leo tilted his head.

"She's taken a turn for the worse," I hesitated, "she's in the hospital."  
Leo nodded, "okay," he took a breath, "ok."  
"What do I do," I feel like a little girl again.

Leo says nothing for a few minutes. Most people would think he hadn't heard or that he was contemplating how to break it to you that you had screwed up for good. I knew Leo and that's not what he was doing.  
"I would go up to him, tell him what you know and tell him you didn't mean to keep a secret from him," he finally.

I can't meet his eyes, "he was yelling at me."  
"Well he's Josh, he's emotional." Leo has a valid point that is for sure.

"yes," I nod feeling slightly off-balance.

"What else happened," Leo's so perceptive for a politician and grumpy old man. He's got a heart of gold.

"Well," how do I say this?

"Yes?" his voice was encouraging and supportive.

"He accused me of keeping him in the dark about his baby; he called it 'mine' Leo."

That ultimately was what was still so present for me. Josh having a baby, in this time of ridiculous madness, any day now he could become a father. I could become a mother, but he hadn't called it our baby. He had called it his child, and that made me wonder if he saw me having a role in its life like the one I was envisioning. My understanding was that we had the same ideas about it, but maybe I was wrong.

"Donna, you know Josh feels as though he has to live up to responsibilities. After Jonnie died, his parents were devastated. Not only did Josh blame himself, still blames himself, but he also wanted to make it up to them with his own success. Now he's been asked to do something for Amy that's huge and life changing. He's terrified of messing that up and he's thinking as an individual now, not as a rational human being with a support system."

Leo is very right about all of this, "so I have to remind him of the support," it seems so obvious.

He smiles his little playful smile and stands, "see you later kid."

Bless Leo, was what was now running through my head.

Josh's POV

I can't believe she kept that from me. The secretary had passed on the call this morning. Apparently Donna left her phone at the hotel and she still has mine on silent. I was so distracted thinking about our encounter in my room on our way to the office I actually hadn't asked for it back. She wanted to talk to me when I had a minute. It was the return number that caught my eye, it was for a hospital.

"Josh," she appears in the doorway looking calm but apologetic.

"Donna, not now," I don't have time for this.  
"Look, I know you're mad, but just hear me out. I really did think I was doing the right thing, and I misjudged. I'm so sorry and it won't happen again. I'm here for you Josh and even though I make mistakes, I'm not just going to leave. Amy asked you to do something huge, but you're not alone as you fulfill her request."

I hear her words and know she's right, but I'm so overwhelmed all I can do is nod and offer her a brief, "yeah I know."

She waits but I can't offer her anything else at the moment. I'm too strung out.

To my surprise she says nothing else and when I look up she's gone.


	15. This is Us

Goodness! I've been gone forever, I'm so sorry. I of course have a million reasons, but the long and short of it is, study abroad experience is a lot to adjust to and I don't have the 7th season with me. Darn, so I'm doing a few more filler chapters and then I'll get my hands on the 7th over the holidays and beyond. Thanks for patience and please review if you have a minute.

Previously: Josh was angry with Donna for not passing on the news immediately that Amy was getting worse. Leo talks to Donna to try and help soften the hurt she's feeling so she can help Josh.

Summary: Donna and Josh sit in the same building both internally freaking out about very different things.

Getting a Grip

Donna's POV:  
Okay I need to calm down, his response, "yeah I know," was fine. He didn't continue. HE was supposed to continue damn it! I don't know how I managed not to start crying. Actually I do, because my role now in his life, actually always has been, to stay strong. I am the backbone, Leo would probably confirm that. I stay strong while Josh's life is pulled in every direction. That was much easier when the professional relationship between us was clear. Now though, now I'm the support and I'm emotionally involved. I wouldn't have it any other way, but this is much harder than I thought. Basically he sees me much as he always has, while I'm free to dream about him in a way that I would have been embarrassed to in the very recent past.

Josh has always been my ideal. I know that's stupid, I do. I tell myself I am being stupid. But I can't help it! He was the one who teased me, who taught me so much, who looked out for me, who maybe even wanted me at times. From day one we were this team, he would go out and fight, I would provide back up. At first it was mostly my job to be on time, to schedule his appointments, answer his phone, run errands for him, keep his meetings running on time, follow up with visitors, research and write memos, organize his files and projects, every office task and then some. After a while I'd start showing up earlier and staying later, I wonder at times if the various men I dated hated the way I would almost always warn them I might have to go back to work. I think Josh would page me sometimes on purpose, but then I would show up and he'd have legitimate things for me to do. Well mostly. Other times I really think they could have waited.

Over time I became a silent emotional support, we didn't really have to talk to be personal in reality. It was just the companionship on late nights, or me being his sounding and venting board. Some of the things he has said, they are almost favorite quotes of mine. It makes me smile, but back to the pressing questions. Where do we go from here? How is Amy? When is she going to deliver? What role am I to play? Am I an emotional support, a figure in the child's life? I never ever imagined this would be how I would become a mother, ever.

Josh's POV

I'm not really being fair to her. She's been so good to me for so long. Just because I'm overwhelmed doesn't mean she has to constantly be at the receiving end of all my crap. Leo would be shaking his head at me right now, and here he comes, speak of the devil.

"Josh," he's in my doorway, dressed down, for Leo anyways. He's got his hands in his pocket and that look.

"Hey Leo," I sit down in my chair wondering where my sanity went.

"She gone?" He doesn't need to say who.

"I hope not," hope that she's not really gone anyways.

"Josh you should be grateful that you probably wouldn't be able to get rid of her unless the sky came down," Leo's voice sounds gentle.

I glance up at him and he has this sympathetic look, for Leo, that's big.

"Leo," I know he talked to her, "I didn't mean to."  
"Yeah, I know," he doesn't make me say it, I would have though.

"I know she deserves better," she does, much better than me.  
"Naw," casual but sure, "she needs you more than any of them Josh, but she needs all of you."

That man is always right!

"Ok," I can do that, rubbing my face in my hands I stand up.

Donna's POV

He is so lost and I can't seem to be helpful. If I try and protect him, it backfires, I guess I need to let him lead. He'll tell me what he needs. I'm so lost in thought I don't hear…

"Donna?" I spin around and he's standing in my door looking ill at ease. My heart leaps.

"Josh is everything okay?" Maybe he's heard bad news.

"Yeah, I mean I think so, I haven't heard anything from the hospital," he pauses, "do you want to come with me later?"  
It's a small, but very significant step for him and I seize it with both hands.

"Of course," I have to stand up; I'm too edgy to sit.

He's not doing too well either and I know he has to want to be anywhere else, but he is here.

Josh's POV

Being here in her office is hard. I don't do this well, but this is Donna. She knows how imperfect I am. I can admit that, I am far from perfect, but few people will ever hear me admit that. One of them is standing right here, but the thing is, she doesn't even need to hear it, we just both know it.

I have to do this though for her, for us. If we're going to have a future, she has to have my full attention right now. She was hurt earlier when I gave her nothing to go on, and while I'm under pressure here, that can't happen again. I don't hurt the woman I've loved for so long.

"Josh," she's giving me her gentle Donna look, her caring concerned look and I'm suddenly annoyed at myself. She's still worried about me, even though I've been such a jerk and hurt her. How could I possibly be such an idiot? Easy, I'm me. That may be something I do, but not to her, not anymore.

"Donna," I take a step closer because I have to do this well.

Donna's POV

He took a step closer, voluntarily, that's unlike him. Josh's eyes are looking straight into mine, okay this is weird.

"Josh," I wonder if I should give him an out.

"Shush," he's looking at me carefully and it's freaking me out.

"Josh it can wait," and it can, I'm patient.

"You've waited long enough, too long, and it's not fair to you, to me, to us."

Then he talks, and not like Josh does normally, it's not humorous, demanding, edgy, and energetic, it's just Josh.

"Donna I've loved you for so long and I can't tell you in words really what you are to me. There are some things you have to feel, know and believe with every part of you. That's what you are to me. I know our relationship has been many things over the years, and I'm sorry I still haven't changed how I react to you. You deserve better, maybe better than me, but you see," and he breaks slightly looking down and drawing a breath, "I don't want you to be with anyone else, I want you to be with me and I'm not perfect, but I have you and I'm better with you Donna. You make me better. This baby is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I can't," he's crying now, a little bit, "I can't screw this up."

His eyes hold mine for a minute and I understand how deeply he feels responsible now. This is a baby's life, a human's life.

"This baby is going to call me dad," he smiles and my heart breaks, "and it's going to call you mom Donna, because that's what you are going to be, you're my angel, and I can't do this without you. You need to keep me from screwing this up," he is begging. Then he suddenly adjusts and takes both my hands, one in each of his and he looks up. "Mostly I love that you are there for me when I can't be there for myself, that you can always see the good in me even when I can't. Without your trust and faith I'd be nowhere, and that is something I know makes me able to do this with optimism that maybe I will be okay, maybe I can do this."

Josh's POV

She's staring at me, tears running down her face and her smile is slowly spreading. I think I've said some of how I feel. Not everything, for one thing I can't voice it, for another it doesn't need to be said right now. It's just more of the same, how I can't live without her in my life and I wouldn't want to.

She's steadying herself and then she starts to talk and I think I would start to walk on air if I could.

"I love you damn it Josh, I do, I have for so long," she smiles and takes one of her hands out of mine to brush her tears off her cheeks, but I beat her to it. I gently wipe away the moisture and she continues on.

"Josh you're doing great with this and you're going to make an excellent father. I know why Amy chose you Josh, you may not yet, but I do, I always have. I thought that when I became a mother it would be because you and I were going to have a family together, but we are, we are still having a family. I love you so much Josh and I want you to want me in your life, in your lives," she hastily corrects and I nod understandingly, it is a weird concept to grasp. "I want to be the mother of this child, our child, and all of our other children," and I cut her off, I can't help it. She's telling me she's imagined our family for years; it makes my heart swell so big I wonder if it can still be in my chest. I can't resist her anymore, my lips grasp hers kissing her hard and long. I pull back, and whisper, "Sorry I just couldn't wait any longer, I'm so happy I'm walking on the clouds." She giggles and I grin, I love that giggle.

"Josh, I believe in you, I always have and I'm going to be here for you no matter what," and just like that things are going to be okay. If I have Donna next to me as a soul-mate through life, we're invincible.

"Looks like you two kissed and made up," Leo's faint smile makes Donna blush.

"Thanks," I grin.

He shakes his head moving on and I pull her into my arms.

Donna's POV

He's holding me and suddenly I know what's going to happen in my life. He's here, we're together, I'm going to be a mother, he's going to be a father, and the rest is what we can make of it through thin and through thick.


End file.
